Crazy Gringo Culture Shock

I'm officially in California! I had planned on trying to get together and actually meet all of you Rio ex-pats before leaving (so I no longer have to refer to you as my "internet friends"), but you know what they say: Time flies when you're having fun in denial about leaving and don't even notice it's time until you're sitting on an airplane surrounded by obnoxious, sun-burnt Americans.

The goodbye was hard, and I can't even begin to imagine how often the airport staff has to wait on weepy american girls saying bye to their sexy brazilian "boyfriends"...the whole thing felt sort of silly and cliche, which made it a little easier. Anyways, if we've made it 6 months apart, 3 months should be half as hard, right?

I hate flying because not only do I always feel sick to my stomach, but I ALWAYS get placed next to the crazies. Well, this flight was no different. While waiting for my flight, I had the pleasure of listening to a gringo who "vacays in Copacabana because its the only place where the prostitutes are hot" giving advice to a Swedish man about the best time to visit Las Vegas. Apparently it's Valentines Day because all of the boyfriend-less women are depressed (of course) and go to Vegas to drink their sorrows away, lowering their standards enough to hook up with ogres. He ended up in the seat behind me.

Next to me was a lovely Australian couple. And when I say "lovely", I actually mean "incredibly rude AND smelly". They fought the whole time....with me because I wouldn't give up my isle seat and move to the window. I'm sorry but I saved that seat 1 month ahead of time and your husband's flatulence does not make me any more eager to be trapped in the window seat.

The real "cereja no bolo" was the long-haired, eye liner-wearing, blue velvet jacket-sporting American who challenged a poor brazilian man to a duel. The seat belt light was turned off once we landed, and two brazilian men tried to rush to the front to get off the plane before the huge line of overhead luggage people formed. Well, "velvet jacket" didn't like that. He stepped in front and said, "If you wanna get by, TOUGH GUY, you gotta go through me". The Brazilian apologized and told the man he would wait.

That didn't work, "velvet jacket" was ready for a fight! Of course, he made sure to mention that he was too classy to fight in front of women and children, and that they should both "walk like gentlemen until baggage claim" where the duel was set to occur just after sun-down. The next 20 minutes was excruciating while everyone was stuck in line; velvet jacket just inches from the poor brazilian man's face, staring! Every now and then he mumbled "tough guy" and "you better be ready to go hard". It was creepily sexual, and everyone was staring and stifling laughter.

As expected, "velvet jacket" was nowhere to be found at baggage claim.

P.S. There is no picture included in this post because I am writing on a Mac computer and I can't figure anything out. Macs are a weird dichotomy of being made as simple as possible for children and computer-tards, and being incredibly difficult to figure out. It's almost like your IQ has to be below a certain number to understand how to use one...

Sorry if anyone is offended by that...but you know its true!

Até logo, Brasil!

Ahhhhh, so I have officially ignored my blog for about a week. It was 50% because I wanted to spend every last second with my Namo before being shipped off to Gringolândia, and 50% because I'm not sure what direction to take my Brazil blog in while I'm living in California.

Anyhoo, a week of adventure (read: going to the mall and watching movies) means a week's worth of stories. And living at my parents' house for the first time in 4 years, and no Namo to distract me, means I will have lots of blogging time. Stay tuned, it's sure to be melodramatic because i'm already DROWING in saudades and I haven't even made it to the airport.

Wish me luck, I hate flying like I hate sharks.

Your Ass Will Thank You

I tried to think of a flashy title that would get people to read this post, I figured a good curse word always does the trick. I came across a website that any ex-pat or avid traveler just NEEEEEEEDS to know about.

Seriously, this site just saved me from booking a 17 hour flight from Panama to California, in a seat that has less leg room, can't recline, is located directly under the AC, with a partial window and less cushioning than standard economy seats.

It's called SeatGuru, and it has now been added to my favorites bar. You can type in any airline and the aircraft number and it gives you a super detailed layout of the seating. It not only shows you what seats are near the wings/bathroom/emergency exits, but it highlights the worst/best/slightly bad seats on the aircraft.

It covers other details such as:

-meals

-movie screens/music channels

-seat cushioning

-temperature of certain areas

-leg room/width of seat

-partial window/full window

-reclining room

It totally sounds like I'm being paid to write this (feel free to reimburse me SeatGuru), but I am just so thankful that I don't have to spend 17 hours in a non-reclining seat. I seriously recommend using this site while reserving your seats online. Thanks to them, I get to spend my 17 hours (from hell) in a seat with extra leg room and a private movie screen.

For those of you who travel Business Class...I have nothing positive to say to you because my jealousy is debilitating.

*Insider's Tip* - If you can't reserve the seat you want when you purchase your ticket, check back on the website within 24 hours of your flight, that is when all the seats from cancellations and whatnot open up!!