Chinese Butt Massage

After my nice relaxing CRAZY vacation in San Diego and Los Angeles, I came home and was invited by my mom to go to the local SPA. My mom is one of those people who wins every raffle she enters...and unfortunately, it only works for raffles (I've bought her quite a few lottery tickets. No luck there.)

So, she won a day for two at The Oaks Spa in Ojai. It's a pretty nice place, but the lady who owns it (and has paintings of herself plastered everywhere) needs to hire a decorator. I felt a little bit like I was visiting my grandma, minus the pee smell (sorry g-ma, but we both know it's true!)

The highlight of the day was the Rope Yoga. No one showed up to the class except my mom and I, and 2 hours later, covered in bruises, we figured out why. Here is a little picture of what Rope Yoga looks like:
The class was actually incredibly fun and I seem to me (surprisingly) really good at it. If anyone has the opportunity to take one of these classes I highly recommend it. Just don't get naked around any strangers during the week following...you look pretty battered afterwards.

In the evening, my mom and I snuck out of the SPA to go get some cheap massages from the Chinese massage place down the street. (it took every ounce of self control I have to not text my dad and tell him to have a pizza waiting when I got home...steamed veggies and rice with noooooo salt is even more bland than it sounds).

This place charges $35 for a 1 hour massage (30 minute body/30 minute feet). I would go every day if I was more confident they wouldn't break my spine. It's one of those places where you write down a number corresponding to how bad you want to be hurting the next day. I chose 3, my mom chose 5 (out of 7). My mom stopped by the bathroom, and I mistakenly wandered into her massage room, her HELL HOLE OF TORTURE!!!

Despite having a grown Asian man mount me while digging his bony little Asian elbow into my kidney, I also had my skull dislocated from my spine, little fingers wiggling around in my ear, and a good hard spanking. Yes, that's right. A spanking. He lifted my leg and proceeded to smack my ass.

Now I've been dating a Brazilian for some time now. If there is something you learn by dating a Brazilian, it's how to take a good butt beating...but this was intense. Who knew the Chinese had it in them?