The Roller Pack

So Ive already discussed the Brazilian man’s work pack, and now its time for the Brazilian woman’s Roller-pack which led to an important self realization.

In elementary school/junior high, I was the bitch. And by “bitch” I don’t mean the popular girl who makes out with boys and makes fun of girls…I mean the bitch’s little bitch. I constantly had to prove that I was cool so they wouldn’t realize that I wasn’t

Unfortunately, my mom had other plans for me. These plans included roller backpacks, hairy legs, braces and panty lines.

Thongs were strictly forbidden, braces were strictly enforced, legs could only be shaved to the knee and the roller backpack was “convenient and cute”. Needless to say, my mission of being accepted was DENIED!

Fast forward 10 years or so and I finally get it. I was meant to be Brazilian! The only place in the world where a grown woman with long golden leg hairs, a roller backpack, braces and panty lines could be sexy. I knew I loved this country!

Tales of the Gym - Sexist or Courteous?

I recently posted about Carioca Gym Fasion because I was on the brink of signing up for a gym in my building and I was stressing about how to dress. Well, I signed up for the gym and I didn’t buy the giant socks or the swirly shorts, but I did give in and get a push up sports bra (good advice Rachel! ).

It’s obvious that the Gym is a place to be and be seen. Take for example, the following real life conversation between my Namo and I while he was getting dressed for the gym:

Namo: What should I wear to the gym?
Me: Who cares? Your red shorts and green shirt.
Namo: too Christmas.
Me: fine, yellow shorts green shirt.
Namo: too Brazilian Flag.
Me: Red shorts, blue shirt.
Namo: eck, too American Pride.
Me: Jesus! It’s the gym not a fashion show!!!
Namo: ……..wait, are you serious?...........

Well, despite the fact that I don’t exactly dress the part, I think I made a friend at the gym. It’s the creepy old man that works at the gym; possibly the manager. Unfortunately, manager-man doesn’t know the difference between being sexist and being courteous.

Case in point:

I was the only one on the treadmill the other day and there was a soccer game playing on TV (big surprise). I witnessed him getting into a huge argument with some other gym employees and it all seemed to be directed at me. I panicked that maybe I wasn’t meant to be on the machine for some reason. Eventually, manager-man won the argument. He glided over to me with this look in his eye, picked up the remote control and switched the channel to a fashion show. Then gave me a giant Thumbs-up and a “Ive got your back” wink.


It was nice of him to fight for my right to watch what I want...but he probably should have asked me if he actually cared. I guess this could be reasoned down to making generalizations based on my gender rather than sexism. Unfortunately, my point is completely invalidated by the fact that I really enjoyed the fashion show and stayed on the treadmill for about 20 extra minutes because of it ( 1/2 because I enjoyed the show, 1/2 because of those skinny bitches).

Brazilian Weddings - A Family Affair

I have now been to three weddings in Brazil, and it seems each one gets more and more bizarre. The first wedding I went to was at a beautiful church at the top of a hill in Petropolis. The outside of the church was charming and covered in ivy. The inside was a little creepy. Perhaps it is because Im not religious, but there were too many crucified and bloody jesuses in that church for a wedding.

It was a day time wedding, so my Namo informed me that guests would be dressed “casual”. I heard “casual” and thought sundress. Well, I forgot that my Californian casual is a casual like no other, and I should never ever make the mistake that Brazilian casual means anything less than a ball gown.

When I first saw the guests waiting outside, I thought “wow, she has a lot of bridesmaids”. Nope. Just guests. Each one more elaborate than the next. So I was horribly underdressed, but luckily (for me) my Namo got the stomach flu and we left soon after the ceremony (but not without getting to eat delicious cajuzinhos and mousse de maracuja).

Naturally, I was terrified when my Namo told me his cousin was getting married at a super ritzy venue in Barra “Garden Party”. A night wedding! GASP! The scary thing is that night weddings are even more elaborate than day weddings, as if that is even possible. And to top it off, they are Italian, and we all know what that means.

I asked my boyfriend about the whole idea of “not outshining the bride”…does not exist here. You should have seen the number of guests in white wanna-be wedding dresses. I tried my best to dress up for this wedding, but it just didn’t happen. I refuse refuse refuse to buy one of those gross shiney fabric bridesmaid/junior prom dresses for R$300."

The third wedding was my favorite of the three. I actually got some photos of this one.

It was at night, in a venue across from Norte Shopping. The food was soooo yummy. Sweet cherry tomatoes filled with gorgonzola, and the mini pastels that everybody loves. The best had to be when the waiter offered me a dried apricot with brie cheese "Damasco". Something about the look on the waiter's face made me realize he was offering something a little naughtier than a dried fruit...apparently "Damasco" (apricot) sounds a lot like "Dá mais cú" (dirty waiter).

The ceremony at this wedding was actually very odd. It was right in the middle of the party, during the party. So about an hour after we arrived, mingled with guests, drank and ate snacks, the procession began. It took about 30 minutes for all of the family members to prance around and do their walk down the isle. Finally the bride arrived, and nobody paid any attention to the ceremony. It was the oddest thing. Everyone just continued on with their conversations, eating and drinking while the priest mumbled into the microphone. I've never seen anything like it. I don't think this is very typical of Brazilian weddings though, because my Namo was pretty shocked as well. The best part of the night had to be the Lady Gaga drag queen.

Here are some observations I have made about Brazilian weddings and how they differ from the traditional American weddings I have been to (keep in mind I have only been to 3 Brazilian weddings, so I am generalizing here):

1) No garter removal! I have never seen this at a Brazilian wedding and my Namo tells me it would be way too inappropriate. Instead, the bride throws the bouquet and the groomsmen go around cutting up the groom's tie and selling the pieces to guests. The peer pressure to buy a piece of the tie is enormous and you get some sort of sticker or keep sake when you do.

2) Family Family Family. The wedding ceremony is just as much about the family as it is about the bride and groom. The mothers and fathers take just as much time walking down the isle as the bride, and their dresses are just as elaborate and over the top as the wedding dress. Nobody is afraid of stealing the bride's thunder.

3) The ceremony. At all 3 weddings I went to (okay, I missed the ceremony at wedding #2), the married couples signed their marriage papers during the ceremony. I feel like Brazilian wedding ceremonies are a bit more stop and go in this regard. At the first wedding I went to, the camera man stopped the bride as she walked down the isle, to bring out his lighting experts and take mock-candid photos of her pretending to walk.

Have you guys been to any Brazilian weddings? Some of you were probably part of them...did you adopt the Brazilian traditions and mix them in with your own?

Make it a Combo!

Brazilians seem to have a knack for creating odd combinations and making them work.

Hamburgers and fried eggs,

Coca Cola and red wine (or is that just my sogra?)

Catholicism and Creu-ing

However, my ultimate, all-time favorite Brazilian combination is super nice work suits and crappy ol' Jansport backpacks. Okay, well maybe they're not crappy because backpacks in Brazil cost almost as much as cars, but still...

Seeing a nicely groomed Brazilian business man walking to work with his shirt tucked in, jacket ironed, shoes shined, and a brand new first-day-of-2nd-grade backpack just makes my day, everyday! Whoever decided using a briefcase was a better idea than a backpack anyways? Backpacks are a way more convenient place for a 30 year old man's mother to pack their homemade sack lunches and breast milk! I kid...not all Brazilian men still breast feed. (i'm only hating because i'm jealous)

Alright, all joking aside. I like the backpack/suit combination. I think it's cute. What do you guys think about grown men sporting backpacks to work?

Carioca Gym Fashion

After putting it off for the past year (yes...year) I think it is finally time to join the gym. My decision was made easier by the fact that there is a gym in my building, so I don't even have to go outside to get there. Unfortunately for me, that means no excuses when it's raining.

Starting at a new gym can be kind of awkward. I always go into it with a game plan. Enter. Go straight to the treadmill/elliptical. Scope out the other machines while I'm running in order to figure out where I want to go next. However, I have absolutely no endurance, so I begin to panic after about 5 minutes because I haven't yet decided where to go.

All of this and I worked at a 24hour fitness for a year.

Now, my biggest predicament isn't figuring out what machines to use (because anyone who has ever stepped foot in a brazilian gym or clothing store knows that they are overemployed to the point of being intimidating "pois não senhora" "pois não moça" "pois não querida"...)

No no no, my biggest problem is the unbelievable Carioca gym fashion. I once had a Brazilian Teacher (Roberto DaMatta, famous Brazilian Anthropologist and prof at PUC) tell me that American women are more oppressed by mochismo than we realize...just look at what we wear to the gym and the office, men's clothes.

My wearing "men's clothes" to the gym is not because I think it is an inherintly manly place and I want to fit in. I am at the gym because I feel like a fat ass (in a bad way, not a brazilian way) and I don't want my junk hanging out all over the place in front of the fitties coming out of spin class.

In addition to not wanting to wear a backless, skin tight body suit with cutouts down the legs, I do not want to wear those ridiculous socks! Brazilians can rationalize it all they want, but they are straight fugly!

So what do I do? Suck it up and wear the socks because I already stand out like a sore thumb? Or let my inner man free?

What do you all wear to the gym?