Friday, November 5, 2010

Carioca ™


How to become a true Carioca Woman:

1. Permanent Tan lines – teachers have em, doctors have em, newscasters have em, infants have em, hell…even porn stars have em!

2. Heals – a pair for work, a pair for the movie theater, a pair for the night clubs, a pair for the grocery store, and a pair for your dear old 90 year old grandma with a broken hip.

3. Gastro-Gluteus Relocation Surgery – Consult with your doctor about this controversial new surgery where you can get your stomach surgically relocated to your ass. The more beans, salgados, pastels, coxinhas, pão de queijo, and esfihas you eat, the better! It’s drastic but there is no other way.

4. Learn Your Diminutives because everything is legalzinho, fofinho, pequenininho, engraçadinho and rapidinho.

5. Scar Yourself! No matter how convincingly you apply steps 1-4, you will never pass the Carioca da Gema test without full commitment to step 5. That little crater scar on the fleshy part of the upper arm is like the government’s way of keeping track of the natural born citizens. Even if you marry in, you will never be a true Carioca without the crater scar. Bring out the branding iron!

2 comments:

  1. Dr. Alexandre is here reading with me, and says it's very important to tell you that the scar is from the TB vaccine, but our generation of Americans was spared of this epidemic and are therefore scarless!

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahah thank you Dr. Alexandre. Yeah I figured it was some sort of vaccination. I actually called someones bluff who was pretending to be brazilian because I saw they didnt have the scar. It comes in handy.

    ReplyDelete

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